Good days in which you feel low all day for no reason at all, and bad days when all you want to do is get up and dance. Or maybe lie in bed and read a known book all over again.
Or press the phone to your ears and soak up the voice of the ones you love.
Or just curl up, with your hands tucked into your tummy, and see beautiful dreams, think warm thoughts and feel all fuzzy in the head.
Or hide your face inside your pillow and breathe deep.
Or ask Maa to come on skype. Look at her and say you have become thin Maa, you should eat properly. She smiles in surprise. It makes your day.
Or stare at the yellow walls and remind yourself of a long forgotten tune, get up in haste, and play it in you tube. And hear it all day long. Catching a glimpse of days gone by.
Or rehearse that speech you will give when you have finally, finally won the Booker.
Or spend hours looking at old photos, looking at the old you, the laughing loudly you.
Or imagine how you would look reallllly thin....but then you have to give up on the chocolate cream pastry with melting vanilla ice cream on top...and the child in you settles for the pastry..happily..
You know you have a rather lot to do, but when did what had to be done matter in the first place? Its always the things that are forbidden that bring greater joy. Its like keeping a secret. A treasure that you would have to share if they found out. So you hug it close, sing yourself a lullaby, and sleep. Deeply. Knowing that tomorrow will again be mundane, filled with meaningless, worthless things to do that must be done, of course, but for what purpose? This day will not come back soon. This day. Today.
Your own happy day when you do nothing, but do everything.