Friday, March 11, 2011


Why is it that you miss some people,when they have long ceased to be a part of your life, and the moment you think you are oblivious to their absence, they rip right through your memory and stare at you in the face? Why?

I miss the stench of oil that surrounded him, the blackish lines in his teeth that marred an otherwise sweet smile, the innumerous stories of the Sunderbans, the back brushed hair that even at 85, had much much more black, than grey, the sweets stolen from Maa's kitchen that we would share in stealth, the lengthy discussions on Ganguly, the dancing to ek, do, teen, when no one was around, watching cheap, ridiculous bengali movies just for the laughs...oh we had a lot of fun. The absence of a sibling never mattered.

But most of all, I miss the consolation. Of being accepted the way I am.

I am sick and tired and mind numbingly frustrated with having to deal with two facedness and pretence and not understanding what I should say, how I should say it, who I should say it too. The hypocrisy of the last few months are turning me into the cynic I don't want to be. I want to shut myself in a room and not breathe a word to anyone for the fear of being misread. Argh !!!

I miss being a child. The simplicity and the innocence. Where what you saw was, was. Today, we have a lot of choices. And the calculation of what to choose is killing the fun in life. There is too much importance of what who will feel, how they will react, what they will say when you turn away. What is the bloody point in having a friend, when you cannot show them your faults?

Adulthood, to hell with you. I dont give a rat's ass.

Come back, Dadu. Please.


Kuntala said...

are Sumana, dukkhi dukkhi shonachche keno post-ta? didi hisebe ekta gnan di gaaye poRe, ekdom ghabRio na, sob joler daag, dhuye muchhe saaf hoye jete 3 maas-o lagbe na.

Cheer up!! porikkha shesh hoye gechhe, khub hulloR koro spring break-e...

sumana said...

Kuntala di... :) thank you. ghabRachchi thik na, but oi aar ki. heheh

Joy Forever said...

I wonder who could hurt a sweet and innocent girl like you Sumana. I'm sure things will be all right soon. On the bright side, this made you remember your dadu and we got to read another lovely write-up from you, which is good!

sumana said...

Innocent I am, but sweet i am not :)Nothings wrong with me per se, but u know, in general.
There is no bright side in remembering Dadu for such reasons, I would prefer the happier excuses.

But thanks for liking the post. :)