its not every day that you spent a whole day roaming around in the outskirsts of a city...but if you ever have the fortune/misfortune...depending on the city,you will know the way the scene changes,from the population to the sky hue....
we had reached before the scheduled time,and there was nothing to do but wait.and in a town like ranchi,thats not really a pleasant thing to do.all the more in winter,when the wind is not chilly,but harsh,when the sky is not lighted,but visible,when the shops are present,but not opened.i mean at ten in the morning,imagine yourself standing beside a roadside vendor's humble shop...having nothing more to do than to observe him construct it.right from the base. he is disturbed by none,there are not many jerks like me in ranchi i presume.he lays the stones, between pebble and rock in size, lined together, puts astride a stick and props up an umbrella although theres no sun...and lays along all the goods he prays to sell before he packs it away at dusk.theres the sound of water splashing when the shop owners decide to do us a favour and open his treasure...cleaning the layout just by splashing water all around.what a waste of the resource...if only it would be that simple to clean up the country...there are hardly any vehicles, mostly school buses, there are hardly any passerbys,mostly school goers...staring at me as if i was the topic of their final papers...huh!the shop owners are good natured and offers free counselling on the photo type you need for a passport...man..the things you get for free in india.
theres a sardar asking us wheather hilfiger belongs to america or canada...and i am so sorry i have no answer!!!
by the time we finish the job,its past twelve,and the calm and peace of the morning is lost as if like mobile networks...here now,gone the next moment.it was a radical change, the sky not only lighted,but also blazing.....seems like the roadside shop owner was more expirienced tham i was..the wind gone into hibernation,the shopkeepers irritable, me more so...judging by the near brawl at the xerox centre.the school goers are nowhere to be seen,replaced by women going for "i dunno what i want to buy" shopping. the absence of motion is a past...now autowallahs literaly would abduct you inside their vehicles,diplomatic enough to make you change your destination....thers hardly any water in the taps,forget about them splached forgotten on the road...thirsty and anxious..the day goes on...
we return by the setting of the sun.the wind is now chilling..i hope the man had a shawl along with that umbrella...the sky is now invisible.the schoolgoers are in no mood to take any attention of me...i am as much of a disappointment as their papers it seems...the shopowners too tired to argue,one even took a rupee less....whats happening to them!!and i find i am in no mood to observe any further changes,just wishing for the comfort that my hostel room can provide me with.this time we would do anyhting to get hold of an auto to take us back...but they seem in no mood to accomodate.thats called the theory of tiredness with respect to a reference frame....bad joke..but i am to tired to crack jokes now!lotsa work to do...i also have to find out as to where hilfiger comes from.....
Wednesday, November 21, 2007
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
remorse
oh he just didnt give me a rest.that irritating dog,skinny small,white with brown patches,hungry whenever i see him,always below the chairs in the college canten...he went to the extent of following me the whole time i went around all the possible roads,subroads and alleys i could get hold of in my college.the puppy who gets me all nervous,with his undawnting guts...i mean which puppy stands up after being beateb with a rod and follows the one who beat him....thats a first isnt it?all the past three weeks or so,its been a highly disturbing canteen visit.
but now the puppy is gonna die.i can see it.its still hungry.still looking for people to follow...maybe it has given up on me,dismissed me as one of those many heartless souls who dont give a damn about the world as long as i get my share of food.and i suddenly find myself wanting to reach out to him, wanting to control my "puppy fear" and keep it safe from an eternal slumber.i know i cant do it.i know its easy to feel sorry when someone is at the end, its easy to say...."i wish i could"...
how many times have we done this in our teen lifetime? be it an exam,be it an affair worth forgetting...how many times do we regret having not done an act, not said a sentence, not slapped a moron,not kissed a lover,not apologised to mom?how many times do we go with relief when the damage is done and gone and theres no sign of the damge anywhere. how many times do we keep posponing all that needs to be done in the name of fear, hesitance, doubt, carelessness....i can tell a hundred such incidents from my recent past,forget the rest. i still have to make it up with my brother whos gone to an uneasy sleep with the memory that we fought few hours back...i can easily call him now,but i wont cos i know he's sleeping an thats nothing but a lame excuse for me...cos the real reason is i am afraid ill hurt him again.
is it that we dont want to? no we do.all of us.even the ones wh seem to be like devil personified.yeah he too!hes just scared he'll lose his devil image.the boss you swear you could kill is scared of damaging his holy crown named "ego",the guy next door is scraed he'll let too much of soft emotion come out...all of this...is exactly what the others want us to do.shed that preconcieved notion of our so smart selves and get bak to what we are...erring humans, forgiving divines. cos that is what makes life so smooth,when we say what we want to without thinking about our image.when we give more importance to our conscience rather than our bank balance.when we feed the puppy when it comes to us,instead of thinking what it will do if it climbs up on me...for gods sake...he doesnt even have teeth...
maybe i will call my brother after all.....
maybe
but now the puppy is gonna die.i can see it.its still hungry.still looking for people to follow...maybe it has given up on me,dismissed me as one of those many heartless souls who dont give a damn about the world as long as i get my share of food.and i suddenly find myself wanting to reach out to him, wanting to control my "puppy fear" and keep it safe from an eternal slumber.i know i cant do it.i know its easy to feel sorry when someone is at the end, its easy to say...."i wish i could"...
how many times have we done this in our teen lifetime? be it an exam,be it an affair worth forgetting...how many times do we regret having not done an act, not said a sentence, not slapped a moron,not kissed a lover,not apologised to mom?how many times do we go with relief when the damage is done and gone and theres no sign of the damge anywhere. how many times do we keep posponing all that needs to be done in the name of fear, hesitance, doubt, carelessness....i can tell a hundred such incidents from my recent past,forget the rest. i still have to make it up with my brother whos gone to an uneasy sleep with the memory that we fought few hours back...i can easily call him now,but i wont cos i know he's sleeping an thats nothing but a lame excuse for me...cos the real reason is i am afraid ill hurt him again.
is it that we dont want to? no we do.all of us.even the ones wh seem to be like devil personified.yeah he too!hes just scared he'll lose his devil image.the boss you swear you could kill is scared of damaging his holy crown named "ego",the guy next door is scraed he'll let too much of soft emotion come out...all of this...is exactly what the others want us to do.shed that preconcieved notion of our so smart selves and get bak to what we are...erring humans, forgiving divines. cos that is what makes life so smooth,when we say what we want to without thinking about our image.when we give more importance to our conscience rather than our bank balance.when we feed the puppy when it comes to us,instead of thinking what it will do if it climbs up on me...for gods sake...he doesnt even have teeth...
maybe i will call my brother after all.....
maybe
The best man
They say there comes a time in a girl's life when she finds a man who can treat her like a princess,do all what is in his command and go beyond if needed to fulfill all her unstated wish,laugh when she wishes him too,make her laugh when he thinks he should,accompany her in her flights of fantasies,understand her silence and press her beyond all realm to break it....in short show her heaven on earth.
And how proud i feel to finally have found my man...he showed me what i truly am,what i am meant to be,what i would love to be in the future.he has sown all my dreams for me and is unfalteringly toiling to make them come true.he is like the one rescuing me from the tallest tower of a castle called depression,and the one carrying me over the fire called life.he is like the angel who soaks all your tears and gives you his sunshine instead...making you think whoever said life was not a bed of roses had got it very wrong somewhere.
How lovely it feels when you can keep your eyes shut cos you know theres absolutely no chance of going wrong anywhere.when all you have to do is as simple as trusting someone blindly.which of course isnt a simple thing anymore.so it makes it doubly special when you have the luxury of doing so.when you know you are the be all and end all of someones life, when someone lives every breath thinking of what is good for you,when all that you give and take is love, when every word seems like an extension of your feelings,when your existence is justified by the others happiness.....maybe that is what a realtionship is all about.
when you dont have to think twice when you are asked the name of the most loved person in you life,when you dont have to say you want to be together, when from nowhere you recieve such enourmous courage it surprises you,when all that takes to be happy is a smile....when you dont have to think before you speak,when you dont have to speak at all.
And how much the joy must get increased,when i know i will never lose the faith.because he is bound to me for eternity,ready for me at a glance,ready with all his life,his soul, his blood.when the man i mention is related to me since the all the years of my life,the man i mention is the one who gave me life,the man i mention is the one who waits for me to breathe before he does.. when the man i mention is my "Dad".
And how proud i feel to finally have found my man...he showed me what i truly am,what i am meant to be,what i would love to be in the future.he has sown all my dreams for me and is unfalteringly toiling to make them come true.he is like the one rescuing me from the tallest tower of a castle called depression,and the one carrying me over the fire called life.he is like the angel who soaks all your tears and gives you his sunshine instead...making you think whoever said life was not a bed of roses had got it very wrong somewhere.
How lovely it feels when you can keep your eyes shut cos you know theres absolutely no chance of going wrong anywhere.when all you have to do is as simple as trusting someone blindly.which of course isnt a simple thing anymore.so it makes it doubly special when you have the luxury of doing so.when you know you are the be all and end all of someones life, when someone lives every breath thinking of what is good for you,when all that you give and take is love, when every word seems like an extension of your feelings,when your existence is justified by the others happiness.....maybe that is what a realtionship is all about.
when you dont have to think twice when you are asked the name of the most loved person in you life,when you dont have to say you want to be together, when from nowhere you recieve such enourmous courage it surprises you,when all that takes to be happy is a smile....when you dont have to think before you speak,when you dont have to speak at all.
And how much the joy must get increased,when i know i will never lose the faith.because he is bound to me for eternity,ready for me at a glance,ready with all his life,his soul, his blood.when the man i mention is related to me since the all the years of my life,the man i mention is the one who gave me life,the man i mention is the one who waits for me to breathe before he does.. when the man i mention is my "Dad".
why so?
Well....when it all started,i wasnt there to hearld it...maybe i havent missed much. Considering the whole bag of commotion,uncertainy,blasts,enlightenings we live with...perhaps the big bang was not what you would call a once in a blue moon wonder! Maybe He wished it to be otherwise, but when have men followed the plan of God since he bit the apple? huh! But thats kinda besides the point. what i meant is i missed the beggining, I am sure the whole lot of geeks in a very famous space research center along with tarot reading "know it alls" might say something about the end being near...but personally...naah! i mean c'mon..its been to long..God probably has started enjoying the game...u know....think of youself having control over anything that can react to your actions and can think on its on....would you ever give up that control... of the fun of seeing how you affect their existence? i know its negative. so i am sure i wont live to see the end too..(what a relief).! So what is this if not a continuation? what are you if not only a part, a part who doesnt know its lines until the moment you say it? a part who doesnt know whats gonna happen in the drama cause theres absolutely no script.there is no "lights camera action"!
From the first cry to the last smile..you are but acting out what has been stored for you....some have minor but interesting roles to play,,the others sated with long boring ones. Be what it may....if you freeze the time space frame...all you get is a continuation of events,words,smiles, frozen tears,incomplete hugs,unbound relations.....you just have to wait for the next moment to know where its all headed.
hence the name....i hope you like whatever will come ahead of this..everytime i decide to take a break from my part playing,everytime i freeze my frame.
From the first cry to the last smile..you are but acting out what has been stored for you....some have minor but interesting roles to play,,the others sated with long boring ones. Be what it may....if you freeze the time space frame...all you get is a continuation of events,words,smiles, frozen tears,incomplete hugs,unbound relations.....you just have to wait for the next moment to know where its all headed.
hence the name....i hope you like whatever will come ahead of this..everytime i decide to take a break from my part playing,everytime i freeze my frame.
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