:)

There are good days and bad days.

Good days in which you feel low all day for no reason at all, and bad days when all you want to do is get up and dance. Or maybe lie in bed and read a known book all over again.

Or press the phone to your ears and soak up the voice of the ones you love.

Or just curl up, with your hands tucked into your tummy, and see beautiful dreams, think warm thoughts and feel all fuzzy in the head.

Or hide your face inside your pillow and breathe deep.

Or ask Maa to come on skype. Look at her and say you have become thin Maa, you should eat properly. She smiles in surprise. It makes your day.

Or stare at the yellow walls and remind yourself of a long forgotten tune, get up in haste, and play it in you tube. And hear it all day long. Catching a glimpse of days gone by.

Or rehearse that speech you will give when you have finally, finally won the Booker.

Or spend hours looking at old photos, looking at the old you, the laughing loudly you.

Or imagine how you would look reallllly thin....but then you have to give up on the chocolate cream pastry with melting vanilla ice cream on top...and the child in you settles for the pastry..happily..

You know you have a rather lot to do, but when did what had to be done matter in the first place? Its always the things that are forbidden that bring greater joy. Its like keeping a secret. A treasure that you would have to share if they found out. So you hug it close, sing yourself a lullaby, and sleep. Deeply. Knowing that tomorrow will again be mundane, filled with meaningless, worthless things to do that must be done, of course, but for what purpose? This day will not come back soon. This day. Today.

Your own happy day when you do nothing, but do everything.

I hope my children read...

1. Aesop's Fables. Dreams are made of these.

2. Ho-Jo-Bo-Ro-Lo by Sukumar Ray. Nonsense almost always makes sense.

3. Famous Five. Man's best friend is a dog.

4. Tintin, Asterix and Obelix. Before they see the 3D movies, they better know what its about.

5. Alice In Wonderland. You never know, it might just be true.

6. Every God Damn Book by Satyajit Ray. Yes, even the bad ones. Wait, are there bad ones?

7. Malory Towers by Enid Blyton. Girls need to know that girls are not bad people.

8. Jane Eyre. Women are stronger. Period.

9. Mahabharat. So that they never ever have the guts to say India is a developing country.

10. My Experiments with Truth. All the good men have very bad habits.

11. The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. Why you ask? Its elementary, my dear Watson!

12. Miss Marple. Because you don't need to smoke cocaine to solve murders.

13. Pride and Prejudice. What is love? Who the hell is Aishwarya Rai?

14. Little Women. Little Men. Jo's Boys. If you want to know how to be happy when you are sad.

15. Harry Potter. Even when you know the end, it is the journey that counts.

16. A Sea of Poppies. To know what not to read. Urgh!

17. The Kite Runner. Your life is measured by the friends you make.

18. The Catcher in the Rye. Be a Rebel !!!!

19. To Kill a Mockingbird. Darr ke Aage Jeet Hai!

20. Love Story. Life is short. Really.

21. Lolita. Its time to get out the good stuff ;)

22. Great Expectations. Life sucks.

23. The Unvanquished or Aporajito. and THIS is how you deal with it.

24. Doctors. Can a girl and a guy ever just be friends?

25. A Midsummer Night's Dream. So they can say "oh I have read Shakespeare" :P

or else I am going to disown them. Simple and Clear.

Dreams

Chena Desh

Kalkei Facebook ke chorom galagali dilam. Tai jonno mone bindumatro khob nei jodio. But sottyi bolte ki, ei onnoder pechone kathi kora ta na thakle, amra nijeder niye PNPC kortam. du-chaar te to matro bondhu bandhob, tader moddhye gol bNadhle ki chorom poristhiti-r shrishti hoy, seta amra sokolei kom beshi kichuta jani. sutoraNg poro ninda, i dont know, but poro chorcha is damn good chorcha!

Ta ja bolchilam. Facebook er bhalo side o ache, bujhle. jemon ajkei hothat kore dekhlam ke ekjon, kar ekjon er photo te "like" koreche. je koreche, take ami besh pochondo kori. sutoraNg dyakha dorkar she kake pochondo kore! giye dekhi, uribbas, ki darUn photo sob. darUn mane, je hetu ami photography-r technical dik ta ekebarei bujhina, i dont know photo gulo technically bhalo photo r dol e poRe kina, but dekhe mon bhore gyalo, eituku bolte pari.

Chele ta Bangladesh er. Ami Bangladesh somporke jototuku jani, ek, Dadu-r kach theke, dui, Mala r kach theke. Jetuku sunechi, jenechi, kharap lage na. Mane, bishesh kono bhalolaga ache, tyamon o na, abar Australia v/s Bangladesh match hole ami gola fatiye Aus ke support kori, tyamon o noy....just casual bhalo laga, na bhalo laga r moddhyekhane. But ajke er photo gulo dekhe kyamon jyano bolte ichche holo, 'O moni, e to ekkebare amago dyasher moton'!

She onek photo lagiyechilo. Tader Bijoy Dibos e lal-sobuj potaka niye ullas, University Campus e meyeder pose deoa, Highway er du dhare lomba gach er ek hoye jaoa matha, gram er dhan khete jorajirno goru, ek i dhan kheter pash diye chole jaoa train, rastar moR e ghupchi cha er dokan e rikshawalla der adda, ondhokar neme poRa rail station e fol niye bosa buRo loktar ekakitwo, nodir ghat, ghat e nouko r anagona, ghat e bosa roga chele tar dubonto surjo-r dike ekmone takiye thaka....

Sob i prothom baar dekhlam. Tobu mone holo koto chena. Ek i to desh, ek i bhasha, ek i gaan, ek i kobita, ek i onubhuti. Class nine er itihas boite poRechilam bote, kintu tokhon just aar ekta saal, ekta obanchito tarikh mone rakhar birokti niye. Aajke sotyi mone holo, odorkari kandokarkhanay bhore gyache sala prithibi ta. Kono dorkar chilo na, aajke o nei, tobu, duto alada rajyo, alada rajotwo. Sadharon manush der shoshon korar duto alada protisruti. Baki sob i ek.

Ek tukRo desh...koto koshte paoa, dhuye muche sesh hoye jachhe. Dwikhondito hoye.

Puku Shona

Facebook holo 24*7 binodon. Nirmal anand. Ami ektu gomRamukho, hulo beRal type holeo, amar o , onnoder moton, at the cost of others haste besh bhaloi lage. And ei jinista, facebook er cheye better keu pare ki?kono musuem e o eto gulo sample ekotre paoa jay kina sondeho!

Ei jyamon, ekkhuni. sottyi bolte ki, dekhe ga pitti emon jole gyalo, je torighori blog likhte boslam. amar ek bandhobi, jake ami class six er pore aar dekhini, kichudin aage facebook e amake dekhe "ore tor kotodin dyakha nei re, tui kobe asbi re" bole emon kannakati jurlo, jyano amar saat jonmer bondhu. othocho believe me, nursery theke class six, ami gune bole debo kotodin or songe amar kotha hoyeche, Anyway.....tar er moddhye biye tiye sob sara. tar 'onar' aajke jommodin! tai she facebook e ghota kore update dilen. "Happy Birthday puku shona" !!!

WTF!!!

Ami jodi puchku shona hotam, golay doRi diye jonmodin kei mrityudin e convert kortam. Aha re, ei jonnoi bodh hoy chelera biye korte chay na. ei nyakami kar shoy boloto?

aro ache. ar ek bondhu. sei ek i school er. protidin i tar notun notun gyanodoy hoy. aar sei gyaan amader sathe bitoron na kore tar ghum hoy na. ajke dekhlam nah, gyaan na. tar mon kharap. of course. kichu matray "likes" ba "comments" kom poreche hoyto. ba hote pare latest photo ta te keu take aishwarya rai er sathe compare koreni! tai tar aajker kotha holo "Is it worth the tears?"

amar uttor deoar ichche holo bujhle, "Yeah, crocodile tears are kinda worth it".

Dilum na. Maa Baba-r shikkha i gol badhdacche. ei hothochchara pola paan gulo ke rastay dhore gono dholai dite hoy. ki obostha!! mane ja ta obostha!! ja ta!!

Asol raag is onno. amar life is too boring to have such updates. Hotasha e bhugchi ebaar. erokom competition e pichiye poRte kar bhallage, bolo?

Potterology

I miss him. Truly. Here's why.

'What's that? Said one of the twins suddenly, pointing at Harry's lightning scar. 'Blimey,' said the other twin. 'Are you –?' 'He is,' said the first twin. 'Aren't' you?' he added to Harry. 'What?' said Harry. 'Harry Potter,' chorused the twins. 'Oh, him,' said Harry, 'I mean, yes, I am.'

"Ron," said Hermione in a dignified voice, dipping the point of her quill into her ink pot, "you are the most insensitive wart I have ever had the misfortune to meet."

"I don’t deny it," Sirius said very quietly. "But if you knew the whole story."

"I'm not trying to be a hero, but seriously, Sirius Black can't be worse than Voldemort, can he?"

"It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live, remember that."

"Unless I'm much mistaken, he transferred some of his own powers to you the night he gave you that scar. Not something he intended to do, I'm sure....

"The truth is a beautiful and terrible thing, and should therefore be treated with great caution."

I wonder,' said Professor McGonagall in cold fury, turning on Professor Umbridge, 'how you expect to gain an idea of my usual teaching methods if you continue to interrupt me? You see, I do not generally permit people to talk when I am talking.'

"After all, to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure."

"To have been loved so deeply, even though the person who loved us is gone, will give us some protection forever."

"Well?" said Ron finally, looking up at Harry. "How was it?" Harry considered for a moment."Wet," he said truthfully.

"The consequences of our actions are always so complicated, so diverse, that predicting the future is a very difficult business in deed ...."

"Neville, I'm really, really sorry about this." She raised her wand. "Petrificus Totalus!"

Never trust anything that can think for itself if you can't see where it keeps its brain.

"No good sittin' worryin' abou' it," he said. "What's comin' will come, an' we'll meet it when it does."

"It is our choices Harry, that show what we truly are, far more than our abilities."

"You think the dead we loved ever truly leave us?"

"I don't want to talk about how I feel, all right?" "Harry, suffering like this proves you are still a man! This pain is part of being human --" "THEN -- I -- DON'T -- WANT -- TO -- BE -- HUMAN!" Harry roared.

Ron said, "One person can't feel all that at once, they'd explode." "Just because you've got the emotional range of a teaspoon doesn't mean we all have," said Hermione nastily, picking up her quill again.

Weasley can save anything, He never leaves a single ring, That's why Gryffindors all sing:Weasley is our King.

'Is it true that you shouted at Professor Umbridge?' 'Yes,' said Harry. 'You called her a liar?''Yes.' 'You told her He Who Must Not Be Named is back?' 'Yes.' Professor McGonagall sat down behind her desk, frowning at Harry. Then she said, 'Have a biscuit, Potter.'

It is a curious thing, Harry, but perhaps those who are best suited to power are those who have never sought it.

"I cared about you too much," said Dumbledore simply. "I cared more for your happiness than your knowing the truth, more for your peace of mind than my plan, more for your life than the lives that might be lost if the plan failed. In other words, I acted exactly as Voldemort expects we fools who love to act."

"Potter, you've got yourself a girlfriend!" drawled Malfoy. Ginny went scarlet...

"Voldemort has always underestimated the power of love Harry, you on the other hand..."

"Just because it’s taken you three years to notice, Ron, doesn’t mean no one else has spotted I’m a girl!"

Sirius shook his head and said, "If you want to know what a man's like, take a good look at how he treats his inferiors, not his equals."

"They were bullyin' him, Hermione, 'cause he's so small!" said Hagrid. "Small?" said Hermione."Small?" "Hermione, I couldn't leave him," said Hagrid, tears now trickling down his bruised face into his beard. "See -- he's my brother!"

"What made you think he'd really stopped supporting Voldemort, Professor?" Dumbledore held Harry's gaze for a few seconds, and then said, "That, Harry, is a matter between Professor Snape and myself."

"After all this years, Snape?"......"Always!"

'"Evil" is a strong word,' said Hermione quietly.

'There are all kinds of courage,' said Dumbledore, smiling. 'It takes a great deal of bravery to stand up to our enemies, but just as much to stand up to our friends. I therefore award ten points to Mr Neville Longbottom.'

Harry and Ron both made furious moves toward Malfoy, but Hermione got there first -- SMACK! She had slapped Malfoy across the face with all the strength she could muster.

What do we want to be Prefects for?' said George, looking revolted at the very idea. 'It'd take all the fun out of life.'

"You should write a book," Ron told Hermione as he cut up his potatoes, "translating mad things girls do so boys can understand them."

"Detention, Saturday night, my office," said Snape. "I do not take cheek from anyone, Potter . . . not even 'the Chosen One.'"

Marauder's Map to Snape: "Mr. Padfoot would like to register his astonishment that an idiot like that ever became a professor."

"Severus Snape wasn't yours," said Harry. "Snape was Dumbledores, Dumbledores from the moment you started hunting down my mother..."

"We will see each other again," he said. "You are -- truly your father’s son, Harry...."

"Books! And cleverness! There are more important things -- friendship and bravery."

"Dobby has heard of your greatness, sir, but of your goodness, Dobby never knew..."

Is this real? Or has this been happening inside my head?

Of course it is happening inside your head, Harry, but why on earth should that mean it is not real?

Take a bow Ms. Rowling. For teaching the last of us the power of love and friendship, to overlook handicaps, and to never underestimate the weak. And oh, most importantly, as wise it maybe for a girl to be intelligent, it always helps if she removes her braces ! :) :P

Growing Up

I remember I was very small then. Hardly seven, or eight. Dad had gone on a trip to Hyderabad, some office work as usual. For ten whole days. And to me, at that time, it was sheer joy! To live without the stern scrutiny, the impeccable discipline, the freedom to finally be the true brat I was, and not continuously live up to the rumour of being "an obedient kid" was unexpected bliss. Well, everyone in my family expected me to miss him, and I told them I did. Miss him? Oh please, he could stay there another ten days if he wanted. I simply lied to everyone.

Who knew?

My father leaves tomorrow. For home. And the thought of seeing him off disturbs me to an extent I never thought possible. Maybe this is what living in a foreign country, amongst unknown people, with an undecided future, does to you. It gives you perspective. It slaps you where it hurts the most and points a very rude finger to that which is truly important. And maybe you realise you have grown up when you see your parents grow old. I for one, have never shed a tear whenever my parents saw me off. But tomorrow, I am not sure anymore....

But I will smile, and pretend I am okay, and that I can very well manage..... I can still lie.

Letters from my Father...

I try you know, to be calm, to have my head on my shoulders, to be sensitive to everyone around me and their problems, to not over react, or rather, react at all, to smile benignly when all I want to do is smash your head on the wall, not your, his, and hers, and if you disagree with me, yes, yours too...I try! And well, to the utter dismay of my ego, I think I do it pretty well these days. I smile more, I ignore, I bite my tongue and hold back...oh what has become of me :(

I do it only for one person. I do it for my Father.

Fathers and daughters have a special bond. Ahmmm...really? All I remember of my father as I grew up is a stern man with a thick black moustache, whose entry demanded a thick, cloudy silence, with the eldest and the youngest in the house running for cover. To burn in hell was welcome, but to cross his path on a typical day, not really! All the daughter-y bonding happened with Maa, all whisperings of who said what to whom in school, to be wrapped up before Baba came back home. All phone calls hushed and put under cover. But, secrets were safe with mom, right? Apparently not. As I grew up into...well, me, everything reached his ears. :(. And to his shock and mine, he realised I had turned into him! All my life I tried being my mom, without noticing that I had grown into dad.

It irked me at first, well ofcourse, everything irks me at first...but then I grew up. I met weird people, fell into weirder situations, and as I crawled out of them, I realised Dad's way was the best way! You save your ass, and you kick theirs :) And then, he wrote me a letter. And then, another one. As i rediscovered the man I grew up all my life with, I realised I know no one better than I know him. Ohk, maybe a couple of others...but hurrah! my dad was me :)

If there's anything that makes me proud of who I am, cynical, irritable, rude, hyper, short tempered...this is it. And only this!

Messenger of Peace

I hate the Newark weather! Its like this indecisive kid who does not know what he wants and so, gets a bit of each? It was perspiring hot when I started, and all of a sudden, it was drizzling when I finished! Really? Everyday when I don't have an umbrella? On top of that, the perfectly fine Campus Center is being renovated, and all the food shops are closed. Do you know how much will power it takes to convince yourself to have a healthy, tasteless, salad, that makes your teeth ache with all the crunching? Then you walk all the way in the rain to find the shops unavailable and you realize the universe wants you to eat junk! So be it!

But then, Durga Pujo is just around the corner. And everybody has their own agenda :) Sugata da wants an excuse to take more photos, Atreyee wants everything, IB wants bhog, I, want to look thin in the pictures :) or, well, as thin as I can look, okay? Junk the, is out of the plate. Bacha kya? Subway.

Now, if you have ever been to subway, you will know what a pain in the wrong place it is! I have found a solution to the extreme choices laid out there. Just fixate on one sandwich, order it whenever you are there. A time will come when you will be a known face, and all you have to really do, is smile and say "Oh hello Jim, how are you today? I want the usual, thank you!" Heeehaaa!!! Anyway, I notice this hijab clad, beautiful, a little subdued girl standing right behind me. As she fumbled with Italian and Honey Grain and Oats and Wheat and Garlic Bread, I was sure this was her first trip to Subway!

A queue can be a great conversation spot. A little over three minutes, and I knew she is a freshman, here with her brother, who has a class later in the day, and hence she is all by herself, hunting for food before class. She likes a lot of mayo and a little oil in her sub, and has a strong weakness for tuna! I forget her name, but it was beautiful, starting with a Z, with a R and a B thrown in! I asked her what it meant, and she said "living together in peace". Kudos to the parents! I even cracked a little joke saying how she should be the brand ambassador for world peace.

And then she asked me where I was from.

Me: "India"

Z : "You like it there better? Or here?"

Me: "There, of course there"

Z : " I know the feeling! Ghar aakhir ghar hota hai!"

Me: "Oh damn, you speak Hindi! Are you from India too? "

Z :"Oh I am from Pakistan."

All I remember is how her eyes lit up when she mentioned home, how scared and lost she looked in that unknown Subway line, how she is also majoring in Biology, how i had a wonderful conversation with a total stranger, and how i felt she should promote world peace.

Trust me, that's all I am going to remember!

Love, Actually!

News today, has become a misnomer really. And what with facebook giving us the daily quota on what the world is up to, i guess "not now honey, i am watching the news", has long lost its credibility. However, you do get snippets of interesting news, now and then, that make going back to apna desi news channels quite worth it.

This was what I came across in IBN. Needless to say, FB had it too.

What really struck me was it was a guy playing the care giver! As a society of teenage/single girls will tell you, a guy is this and that and that and this! Not this guy, apparently! Holding it through, when he has every chance to back out. Fifteen months? What are fifteen months really? Are they really worth a lifetime of love the other person will not even reciprocate? Or express, for that matter! How long can you go without seeing the light in your eyes not reflected in the other?

Well, may be if you love, you can...but, I repeat, maybe...

What is this Love? Actually? Is it just one heightened feeling, or a culmination of too many varied, contradicting feelings? Is it the crazy, insatiable, drunk passion or the soothing melody of calm? Does it strike you once and leave you begging for more the rest of your life, or does it weave its magic, differently, numerous times? Is it the blinding of reason or the strength of acceptance? Is it the only reality, or the only folly?

I don't really want to know. Some mysteries are better left unsolved!

Couple Korcha

"we are the perfect couple...we are just not in the perfect situation"

Sokal sokal Fb te amar ek bohuu aager bandhobi-r status message e poRlam. prothome mone holo, "Aha re", tarpor mone holo,"What rubbish!"

Jodio initially amar raag hoyechilo tar nijeder perfect bolay. I mean, ek dike ami eboNg i am sure, amar moton hajaar gobechara, bhola bhala manush ache, insecurity aar inferiority complex jader chhayasongi, aar eder dyakho, nijeder perfect bolte ekbaar badheo na bapu! kii demak! jai hok, ashol byapar ta onnojaygay.

What the hell is a perfect situation?

Amar Maa-r biye hoyechilo 21 bochor e. Joint family. Tay baRir boRo bou. Tay bor er mejaj Hitler ke o haar manay majhe majhei. Hyan, ekhon amar mone hoy tara shottyi perfect, kintu situation to kono din i create hoyni tader...tobe?

PaRa e pasher baRite Bubun da thakto. Majhe majhei o bhishon jor e gaan chalato. "Yeh teri aankhe jhuki jhuki, ye tera chehra khila khila..". Amra bhabtam etto jore bajano r ki dorkar baba? pore bujhechilam, gaan ta Pinki di-r baRi obdhi pNouchote hobe to? :) Bubun da ra baRi bodle onyo kothao chole gechilo. School koreche Dehradun e, College Bangalore e. Pinki di sei Rothtola te i theke gechilo. Around 15 bochor pore tader biye hoy. Perfect couple. No situation.

Amader school e poRaten Ajanta di. tar career ke tar in laws ra konodin i support koreni. sudhu onar husband chaRa. tar kotha te i Ajanta di baper baRi te thakto. school er kachei. or bor protidin oke bike e kore namiye diye jeto, aar chuti-r somoy niyom kore niye jeto. BaRi, na Nicco Park, ta janina :)

Aro erokom hoyto lakh lakh mohila-purush ache. keu baire chakri kore, keu judhdhe jay, keu hoyto fire i ashe na. keu hoyto kono din i fire asbe na. so what??

eder sudhu bhalobasha ta i ache. hoyto setar perfection er jor ei tara bochor er por bochor, nirbhigne, nirdwidhay, bina kono update e sudhui bhalobeshe gyache. kono tuchcho situation er poroya na kore.

Imperfection er joy houk !!!

Cloudy with a chance of Irene!

Hence Proved. There is a God! And He does at times tend to the secret wish-list deep in my heart. And with His signature, sarcastic style, decides which ones to turn into reality, which ones will screw my life upside down, entertaining him even further! I tell you, it tickles him senseless to see us in serious deep shit.

Now there are like, say 3-4 things that are always on my mind. Oh I wish I could go home, I wish a Phd would just drop in my lap, I wish I would be kilos lighter overnight, I wish...oh well, whatever! And trust me, I keep reiterating these every bloody day, with undiminished passion, making sure not a single useful thought crosses my lazy brain. But....mistakes happen :(

The other day, I was super pissed with a bit of confusion thrown in. People who know me well, will know how angelic, easy going and calm I actually am :) , so lets just say i was a little more hyper than usual. And in that merry state, I told Selina, "I wish something happens, something big and shitty, like it happens in the movies, and all facebook and gmail and telephone and everything goes off and life just comes to a standstill! All bloody problems happen because of the internet!"

Who knew He was listening? I could have might as well asked for that Phd! Yeah right :P

Jai Hanuman!

Sedin Planet of the Apes er notun movie ta dekhlam. Besh bhalo, jomat golpo, kono ohetuk ghyan ghyan nei, protyeker acting durdanto, ek kothay...ami dwitiobaar dekhte raji achi. Theatre e na holeo, porikkha-r ek soptah aage, ei cinema ta abar dekhle, amar ontoto mone hobe na, somoy er opochoy holo!

Jai hok, ashol kotha onnyo. Cinema ta-r hero ta ke besh ghyam dekhte. Sathe actress Freida Pinto. Tar choritro ta ke jodio Indian i mone holo, but naam Caroline. Anyway...puro hall e chele-buRo, sorry, I mean, meye-buRi sobai hero entry nilei ooooh aaaah kore uthche. Dosh nei. Eke medhabi manush, tate bhalo mon. Rare combination. But...point holo ami hero ta ke khub ekta patta dite parchilam na. Na, amar hormones sob thik jaygay te i ache..kono mistake nei...amar just Ape ta ke beshi attractive mone hochchilo! bojho kando!!

Chotto ekta chimpanzee-r boRo hoye otha, budhdhi-r sathe sathe feelings develop kora, sob nije theke bujhte sekha, leading to onyay-er birudhdhe uthe daRano. Sada matha. Kintu ki character. Aha. Ki intense chokher chauni, body language, decision making, baaki banor gulo ke chalona kora, nijer malik er proti bhalobasha show kora, maintaining his own self respect...ufff....ami jake bole floored! Sobai dyakhe hero, ami sala dekhi honu!

Pore mone holo, so what? Ei qwalities guloi howto ami purush der moddhye o khNujhe thaki. Bola bahulyo, motei pai na. Tai ekta aadim praNi r moddhye segulo eto nibishto bhabe dekhe ami nijei chomke gechi. Hok na chimpanzee, rishtey me to wo humare baap lagte hai, tai na? Ei jonnoi bod hoy manush pets rakhe. Amader moner moton manush jokhon kothao i paoa jay na, tokhon hoyto manush er shunyosthan era i puuron kore. Maybe. Not sure....

By the way, Ape ta-r naam Caesar. Anthony hole je ami kii kortam, bhogobaan i janen!

F.R.I.E.N.D.S.

Another week and its going to be Friendship Day!!! There are a lot of days, weeks, months, being celebrated uniformly worldwide, and trust me, I am trying not to fall for their sweet charms, but this is one day I find very difficult to ignore! Ironically, my best friend thinks its nonsense...though I agree with him on almost all grounds, this is not happening! Growing up sibling-less, in a comparatively strict household; school and school mates were my wonderland! Every morning I would thrust myself into the warmth, the joy, the simple freedom, that only friends could give, every weekend I would yearn to see them again! But moving constantly from one city to another made sure only a few of those friendships remained. Initially disheartening as it was, I realised later that this ensured I was left with the friends that meant the most! Evidently, they still do!

This is for all of them. In the order in which they arrived.

Maa The person I love the most. Not because she is my mother. But wholly because of the individual she is. The first person to accept me as I am. Loving me, not in spite of, but for my faults. Constantly inspiring me, despite my regular failures. To be patient, brave, happy! And kindling in me the want to be her. Very her.

Didibhai Proof that two entirely opposite individuals can go along perfectly :)

Devanshi You make friends. And then, you make friends when you think you are growing up. a time when you have an opinion on everything, and all your impulses, decisions, feelings...seem the best and the most correct. At this time, you find someone who thinks like you. Years pass by, and you realise you were oh so wrong. And that its possible that you may never be right. In the total mayhem that is produced in the head, you look up to find the same person, going through the same shit, with the exact same guts and elegance, making it impossible for the world to know how deeply messed up you might be! For all this, and for making me realise that two girls, can indeed be friends....I love you!

Nivedan The biggest high of life is probably when you realise you know someone inside out. And not judge them. To know that this person will not remotely try to be someone else, under any goddamn situation, if you are at the receiving end. To understand that, he puts all his under achievements, flaws, shortcomings, under your scrutiny and goes away to enjoy life...knowing that you are, and will always be there. To see that the faith runs so deep, it can reach a point where his life merges into yours...and you forget when that happened. To believe that the world may go, vanish, die, cheat, lie, sleep....someone is always there. Wide wide awake.

Jaimeen Every girl needs a guy who understands her feminine misgivings and yet not laugh at them. Someone who can listen to all that is too sensitive to be shared with another girl, and too confusing for a boy to understand. Someone who can call/ping/mail you when you instinctively miss them, and soothe your fears that no technology can replace the dil ka rishta. Someone you can have pink drinks with, and can get overly emotional without the fear of being misread. Someone who does not consider you his closest friend, and nor do you....but feel exactly the equal amount of love and compassion. Its scary, and so beautiful!

Baba Hochche. hote hote hoye jabe :)

A few others who are not yet there....but oh so badly I want them!!

To all of you, and to them, and of course to my biggest and sometimes the only friend, me, I wish a very very happy friendship day!!!

To Bombay...

Baby, I miss you. Come take me back!

Didibhai

Jokhon ami choto chilam, tokhon chotobyala ta i onnyo rokom chilo. Wii chilo na, video game er remote niye kaRakaRi chilo na, iPhone e app download kora niye mathabyatha chilo na, facebook e ke kar pechone bNash dilo, ta niye jolpona chilo na. tokhon chilo janla-r grill e mukh rekhe brishti khaoa, pNipRe gulo exactly kothar theke kothae jachche, sei rohoshyo bhed kora, Baba-r bajaar theke ana jilipi gulo lukiye lukiye sabaR kora, chaat e bolta-r chaak bhaNgar durdhorsho obhigyota school e ektu baRiye bola, math e lukochuri khelte khelte eksomoy sottyi hariye jaoa, stage e uthe duruduru bNuke prothom gaan gaoa, Dadu-ke ghush diye gujiya anano, aar Maa-r saree-r odbhut ghemo gondho ta diye nijeke sobar theke bNachiye rakha...

aar chilo didibhai. amar cheye matro 4 mash boRo, tobu take ekdin Tumpa bolate she obhimaan kore bolechilo, "Bonu, tui aar amake bhalobashish na, tai na?" :) jai hok, onek boRo byala porjonto she i chilo amar ekmatro khyalar sathi. bagan theke boRo boRo pata beche niye asha, putul er biye deoa, mach ta khabona bole or paat e chalan kore deoa, saree poRa sekha, scale diye pitiye pitiye bichana balish ke o baddhwo chatro banano, cheleder prothombar onnyo chokhe dyakha theke tader kii kore shayesta kora jaye...sob khyala i tar sathe.

she dheere dheere boRo hoyeche. bodleche. amar songe songei. she tar moton hoyeche, ami amar moton. kintu somporko ta thik chotobyalatei roye gyache. o brishti te bhije 7 baar "Kaho Naa Pyaar Hai" dekhte gyache, masher por mash roga howar jonno muRi kheye katiyeche, teen te cheler kontake "hNya" bola jete pare, tai niye raat bhor amar songe bedom discussion chaliyeche, bus er conductor take ki sundor dekhte aar she hero hole kotoi na bhalo hoto, just seta bolar jonno ISD koreche, ojana ek chele-r dukhkho dekhe nijer sona-r chain, baRite lukiye bikri kore diyeche, ice cream khete khete biyer somoy kon bag ta kinle sobtheke beshi gift bhora jabe, tai niye chulochuli koreche, amar Maa ke pray amar moton i bhalobesheche.

take bhalobashar karon oporishim, kintu sei karongulo chaRa o ami take bhalobashi!

kichudin pore tar biye. amar didi ta kyamon thakbe, kothaye jabe, kar songe kii bhabe thakbe, hoyto ami janbo, kintu tar mon-er ogunti bhabna, bhoy, proshno ki ekhoner moton i amar kache bina dwidha e pNouchate parbe? ke jane? khobor ta shonar por theke ami take phone o korini, kichu boli o ni. she raag korechilo. obviously. kintu kii bolbo? je amar chotobyala r ekmatro shathi aaj hothath boRo hoye jachche? je hoyto soNgsar er niyom e tar aar amar akash jhot kore bodle jabe? je she amader chaRa aaro ekta baRi-r meye hoye jabe kichudin por? parbe? o to ekhono amar i moton choto :(

didibhai re, amar ekhon thekei kanna pachche je...khub bhalo thakis!

Pochonder Maapkathi

Kichudin holo baRi te phone korle sudhu ekta i kotha. Baba ta aage bhalo chilo, ekhon se o buRo boyeshe, aar kauke pashe na dekhe, tar bou er suur e suur miliyeche. Tumpa, boRopishi, mejokaka, sobai phone kore. tader ekta i jiggyashsho.

"hnyare, kobe biye korbi?"

chinta r kotha. kobe-r proshno to tokhon othe jokhon kake-r uttor jana thake. aar seta jana thakle, ei mishti modhur badla din e ki aar ami boshe boshe blog likhtam? khub kothin shomoshya. ashe pashe, ba ektu duure, je chelegulo ache, tader songe dinner e jaoa jaye, ghum na ashle, raatbhor adda mara jaye, emonki khub sahosh kore Grudge-2 o dyakha jaye. kintu bibaho? noibo noibo cho!

Se besh hashi khushi hobe. ektu norom norom mon, ektu bhola bhala, besh boka prithibi-r rokom sokom bojhe, kintu care kore na. je tar nijer banano duniya te nijer moton kore khushi thake. je kono din i amar dike byanger hashi, ba kothin chokh niye takaye na. je tar kacher manush der jonno onek koshto shojjo kore, kintu mukh e eboNg mon e tar resh poRte dey na. je niirobe dukhkho paye, kintu tate ki hoyeche bole chokh muche fyale. je protidin sokale, aager raat er bishaad bhule jete pare nimeshe. je tar moner nibhrito ashonka, odhikkar er sathe amar upor chapiye dey, je tar somosto bishshash er sathe amake eka cheRe dey, je amar ohetuk bayna, gobhir shashone bNedhe rakhte pare, je amar beshuro gaan shune khya khya kore hashe, kintu chup korte bole na, je tar jiboner obhiggota diye amar protidiner bhoy ke shanto korte pare. je din raat amar upor snigdho chhaya hoye thake.

jake dekhe amar ekta kotha i mone hoy. "o ekdom amar maayer moton."

karur sondhane thakle bolo.

"onek koshto kore jokhon chaabi khNuje pelam, tala ta i hariye gyalo."

pantaloons er ekta shirt e.

Duto Faltu Kotha

sobai ekhon bolche, are kauke bhalo lagle oto bhoy paoar kii ache, jhot kore bole dilei hoy. chotobyala theke kintu shune aschi cheleder songe kotha bolte nei.

I guess ami boRo hoye gechi.

kalke ekjon amake bollo, je jyamon dhor aam. tui nischoi "amar aam bhalo lage" kotha ta bolar aage khub ekta beshi bhabish na. tahole ekta chele ke niye eto problem kyano? take o bina dwidha e bole deoa jaye je "ki korbo boss bhalo lege gyache, kichu korar nei ". ami kichu bolini. kintu mathay e ekta kotha i ghurchilo.

aam er jodi kotha bolar khomota thakto, aar aam jodi chailei, "tui khub bhalo meye kintu ami thik toke pochondo korte parchi na, tui please amay khash na " kotha ta bole, amay chokher poloke reject korte parto, tahole hoy to ami jibone aam er proti o amar bhalobasha prokash kortam na.

bhagyish aam er ei handicap tuku ache, ki bolo?

For Viewing Pleasure!

There is nothing sexier than a bengali man!

Hence Proved!

A memory

It was a very crucial day. Our standard eighth results were going to be declared. But more than that, we would find out if our friends remained with us in the same class. "Shuffling" was, back then, the most feared word. Indrani calls me up, and sweet that she is, proceeds to tell me in her sing song voice.." You know whaaaat, aaaal the classes have been maintained, only section E has been shuffled". There, that moment, that was it.

Section E was very different. Very important. Very hep. It was a hybrid between the first boy and the naughtiest. It had the coolest class teacher. It had my then raging crush. But more importantly, it had DV. We had fought with teachers to let us sit together, we had gossip sessions every thursday afternoon after school, on the terrace attic, where weekly post mortem would be made of every word said, every look exchanged, every feeling felt....as if talking through every damn period, five days a week was not enough.

DV was my best friend then. In some unknown, intutioned way, she was the only one in school who always got what i said, and more importantly, what i did not. She understood my erratic mood swings, my continuous bad temper, my irritably faulty logic, my anal desire to be "always right"...and accepted me the way I am. But thats not the reason I loved her. I did, because I did. Simple. I hated that she was obsessed about her hair, that she was too girlish at times, that she always had to argue and put me in my place, but being her friend came so naturally ....we were the two most different individuals there ever could be, but there you go...

And so, being separated from her was unthinkable. Hell, if she came late for assembly, I would freak out, forget not being in the same class for a year !! We even considered mollifying the Principal, that if she wanted good results, she should definitely consider putting us back where we belonged. But this was in 2002, and a lot has happened since then...

Times change. People change even faster. I hardly talk to her once a month now. But think of her, I do. Very very often. Whenever I run into probable troubles with the other, more prominent parts of my life. And with me, thats not very rare :) But most interestingly, whenever I meet her, I feel not a day has lapsed. That we are back again, she still as passionate about whatever she is passionate about, me, still wondering what exactly it is that I am passionate about...

A lot has changed. But after a decade, we are, in a very weirdly, far away, twisted way, still the same. Love you leech ;)

Bhalobashar Gaan

Gaan gulo bhalobasha hole pore shone, na ki shunle bhalobashte ichche kore, na ki gaan gulo ke i bhalobeshe shone, seta thik clear noy. kintu jokhon mon kyamon kore, aar aajkalporshu-r gaan shuneo mon bhalo howar konoi lokkhon dyakha jay na, tokhon ei gaan gulo shuni. shune mon kyamon to beRei jaye, jotto rajjyer na paoa dukkho bhiR kore ashe...tobu shuni. oi mon kyamon ta amar boRoi prio! thik gaan gulor moton...

1. majhe majhe tobo dyakha pai, chirodin kyano pai ne?- kyanoki boss, ku jhik jhik theke shuru kore, uDo jahaj, chapte chaile dher khanik gyater poysa khorcha korte hoy. poysa hole tobu ekta kotha chilo, dollar khoroch korata ektu iye, baRabaRi....na ki? tar upor luggage harale to aar kothai nei.

2. ami tomar shonge bNedhechi amaro pran- kintu tumi jano nai. ki aar kora jabe? tumi erokom asto ekta gobet seta to jana chilo na. tahole onno kothao byabosta kora i jeto. aar gaan chaRa kichu diye ki praN adou bNadha jaye? kobita? boddo beshi aNtel hoye jabe na? ekei kichu bojhe na...

3. mor bhabonare ki haowa-e matalo- katrina na..na...ei jaah aar naam mone porche na. kintu je haowa i hok na kyano, tolpaR kore chaRbe, guarantee dilam. ek mash por dekhbe bank account kha kha, poRar boi e dhulo, restaurant e kheye kheye pet e chorbi, bondhu mohol e jogajog bichchinno...

4. amar mon mane na- mon er aar dosh ki? gtalk e chat kore kore samne dyakhar jotoi basona jaguk na kyano, amar desher mati onek duur, tai sudhu majhe majhei dyakha, tai mon kharap, sekhan theke binge eating, tay ojon bridhdhi...golmele toxic cycle ekebare...

5. ami tomar prem e hobo sobar kolonkobhagi- tai hote hobe. because, soja kotha, bhaag korar moton aar kisui nei. ek khana baRi, tate pishi mashi kaka sobai ekotrito hoye kutkochali korche, baganer aam hoy honuman, noyto danpite chele, eder chara karur kopalei jutche na, boRo mach ta gublur baba ke na diye of course gublu ke i dite hobe.....sutoraNg tomar kopale kolonko chaRa kichui nei sonamoni.

6. amar hiya-r majhe lukiechile- kyano he? amar roNo murti ke bhoy peyechile bujhi? bhoy peo na bhoy peo na, tomay ami marbona. sudhu kal 17 khana misscall dilam, 5 ta voicemail, emonki goyendagiri kore jante parlam oi gaye pora meyeta-r songe "kites" dekhte gechile? bod meye, tay bod cinema!!! lukono chaRa aar goti kii bolo?

7. biroho modhur holo aji- taxi-r poysa nei. no problem. atleast riksha e haowa khaoate paro. ta na, bhiR bus e thele othalo. tha tha kora dupur-e uni victoria e chine badam khete khete amar dike du baar, aar onyanno romoNider dike ponchash baar takaben, cinema hall e bipasha basu-r cheRa genji dekhe jibh diye tokas tokas kore jhol poRbe. ei obosthay-e biroho boRoi modhur...

8. ami ruup-e tomay bholabona- sala tomar kotha bhebei adha chul peke gyalo. tomar songe raat bhor chat korei chokh er neech kalo chaap, sara mukh bron na phuskuri, kiser jyano stamp mara, din ke din sob kota jeans tight hoye jachche, ruup er aar baki ache ki, je bholabo. and what do you mean by bholabo? gyanoto obostha te i srichoron khana niye esho na baap, eto dhong kiser?

9. diboso rojonii ami jyano kar ashay ashay thaki- self respect ta ke ekta botol e bhore bhashiye diyechi to, tai. sara din phone ta ki bajlo, nirghat ekta message eseche, thak phone ta rekhe ektu hNete ashi, jokhon beje jabe, dhorbo na tokhon bujhbe koto dhaan e koto chaal. kintu nope, phone niirob. tokhon aar ki, kaan er matha kheye nijei phone othao. number dial koro, "dhur ami kyano baar baar korbo" bole kete dao. abar othao...chaliye jao!

10. haye bhiiru prem, haye re- eta niye aar byango korte parlam na jano. ei bhoy ei to sob gyalo. bhalobasha, bhalobashar kotha, kauke bojhate, bolte, eto bhoy lage kyano? eta to nischoi sunte karur i kharap lagbe na? tobu, amra jhogRa kori heRe golay, othocho bhalobashi kori fishfish kore. prem sottyi bhiiru, ta moddhobitto hok, aar na hok.

Robi thakur- ami sure tomar moner kotha aar keu na bujhuk, ami bujhboi. ami nischit, tomar prem e jorjorito hridoy tahar sukomol pododhoni suniya, tahake bahu pashe joRaiya, tahar kompito oshtadhar chumbon korite byakul hoiia uthito..na chai, tumio byata amar i moton frustu chile :D

P.S- Please keu kichu mone koro na. RobindroSongeet amar cheye beshi khub kom lok i bhalobashe.

Instructioned

I have many bad habits. One of them, is wanting to do everything I know I cant. Cutting a pineapple features on that list.

Like I said before, I love the fruit. But cannot in my dreams, imagine cutting it with the flimsy kitchen knife. How my room mate manages it, I hardly know, but I am beyond such achievements. But, eating it, is another matter altogether. I look at the small, neat cubes, sprinkled with white salt and sugar crystals, the juice dripping down one side, and I cant wait to pop it in my mouth, bite into the tangy flesh, fighting the urge to have more.

I wondered what I would do with the one in my bag, as the rumi was absent, and no one to teach me the nitty gritties of maneuvering a pineapple. I came back. Changed into war gear, clutched the knife in my hand, and opened the bag, half expecting it to throw its brazen edges at me. And it lay there, with its green, overgrown crown, its yellowish brown, pockmarked skin, ready to be murdered.

And tied innocently to its neck, was a white card, with pineapple cutting instructions on it. Step wise, with pictures.

A good night was had by me.

If only the rest of my life would be similar. Instructioned. Easy.

A good day

Almost a week back, the room mate and I had a rare, good day. This is why...

1. We both bunked our respective jobs. There is something about breaking rules. The temporary superiority, that you are above an established system, is a different high altogether. Yes, thats how sad my life is :/

2. We executed a plan. That was made several afternoons ago. Now, we make a lot of plans. Full fledged, google mapped, solid plans. But then laziness prevails and all we do is eat cereals and watch youtube. So, walking exactly 23 minutes, in the hot sun, just to eat something that was bland as hell, serves as a bigtime ego boost. If I want it, I can do it. Huh.

3. We ate out. Yayyy !!!! This does not even need to be justified. Yes, it was salad. It was bland, and grass like, and not very filling, and the waitress messed up the bill, and a little kid dropped juice all over the place...but stop complaining, will you?

4. We discovered a cool new hanging out place. By accident that too. We were so demotivated with the food, we did'nt even want to walk back. So we just hung around. And there, in the midst of nowhere, was a little wood like plank, that went right into the river. You could sit on it, and hang your legs, and read a book or sing forgotten songs by the shade of the tree, with the river flowing right beneath you, bringing little stuff with herself, stuff that belonged to someone, somewhere, before it passed them by...

5. We talked. And laughed. For no reason. Whats good about that you may ask? Well, its a big deal when you can discuss the same old work, research, family, money and men or the lack of both :P, over and over again and not be bored! We surprised ourselves by deeply philosophising * one moment, and gossiping true blue girl style the next.

6. We went to the farmer's market. Which is soooo much better than labelled departmental stores. Remember the line "Is this a class or a fish market? " Well... my class would be proud to be called a American fish market, so silent and spotless it is. Blah. Now, this was how it should be. Yes, its dirty, and a bit smelly, and wet with mud, and the vegetables and fruits almost spilled over from the racks, and nothing was where it should be, but come on, that is what i always knew a market to be !!! I loved it and cat wait to be back.

7. We had a pineapple. I cannot cut a pineapple. I assumed no one else but my mother can. And hence, denied myself the pleasure. But praise to Allah, Jesus, Bhogoban, Andromeda galaxy,whoever... my roomie can !!!!! Now all I am gonna have all summer are succulent cubes of yellow deliciousness with salt and sugar and red mirchi all over it ! Tangy bliss. Bring it on :D

The fact that the sun shone harsher when we perspired 23 minutes back, and that the heavy farmer's stuff almost dislodged our limbs, and that as we fell on our beds, promising never to go back to the dirty, dingy place again....is another story altogether. And an unnecessary one.

Because go again we will. Very soon at that.

*- I made it up. My blog, my rules. Big deal.

Khyalar Patro

Chotobyalar theke jotobaar she oi dokaan ta r samne diye jaye, shoto byastota-r moddhyeo kicchukhon opekkha kore. samne-r showcase ei putul ta shajano. kNokRa sonali chule chotto golapi phool, hNatu lomba jama ta bodhoy silk er. paye aNto sNato moja r songe belt lagano juto. gol gol gaal e halka laal abha. mukhe mishti hashi. chokh er neel moNi ta surje-r alo te thikre othe.

putul ta-ke bhalobashar tar bishesh kon karoN chilo na. kintu roj hNata pothe, putul ta-r mon bholano hashi dekhei tar jibon obhyosto hoye uthechilo. ashe pashe aro onek, pray ek i rokom, emonki aro onek lobhonio khyalna-r majhe, putul ta i sob cheye beshi akorshoNio hoye othe tar kache. ekla dupure, nisshongo khyala-e she mone mone putul ta r shonge kotha koy, hashe, ador kore.

she opekkha kore kobe swopner putul shottyi tar khyalar sathi hobe.

bochor kete jaye. tar ekhon putul khyalar ichche nei. ichche thakleo, boyesh ki aar ache? she ekhon boRo meye bole kotha. boRo meyeder onek kichu korte nei. tai she mon diye tar notun, khub i adhunik, bidesh theke mejo mama-r pathano puzzle er somadhan khNujte byasto. mon ta majhe majhei paRa-r dokanta e uNki maare, kintu eto bochor er obichar o obhimaan e she o monke kothin bhabe bNedhe rekheche. eto bochor hoye gyalo....keu i ki kichui bojhena?

choto kaka-r songei hath dhore school e jeto she, she ki ekbaro bojheni? protibar pujo te thakur er kache sref ekti i abedon koreche bochor er por bochor...mati-r thakur ki tahole asholei matir? joljole chokh duto diye je putul ta take protidin dyakhe, putul er mone kokhono omanushik ichche jage na tar mane?

aajke tar jonmodin. sondhye byala cake, luchi, payesh kheye sobai fire gyache. roNg choNge, koRmoR awaj kora kagoj e moRa ek ekta upohaar khulte thake she. golper boi, pencil box, teddy bear, roNg pencil, koto kii...sobar sheshe, oprottashito bhabei, putul ta beriye ashe. ke diyeche, kono naam nei...

hothath paoar anonde she ki bolbe, kake bolbe kichui bojhe na. diirgho chepe rakha hashi aar kanna dui i tar gaal e cholke othe, she chup kore nijer dotana nijei onubhob korar cheshta kore. she ei aashirbaad mone mone paoar onek prarthona koreche, kintu she je aaj boRo hoye gyache. putul er bhalobasha, sobar ogochore, sobar upore tule rakha chaRa aar kono kichui je she korte parbe na!

sobai sob bojhe. bujheo je kyano eto deri kore?

Du:shwopno

Sokal byala osomapto ghum er abdar thele diye class e ashar pokkhe ektai karon ebong setai jotheshto. S.

Protidiner moto aaj o sobar aage class e pouche, janlar thik pasher seat ta-e bag gNuje, she opekkha kore ek size boRo jeans e gNoja, adha botam khola halka neel roNger shirt er upor ek din purono daRi aar na aNchrano jhNakra chul wala mukh ta. hathe dhora pen ta aNgul er fNake kromagoto ghorate ghorate, mukher alto hashir songe taal miliye egiye aste thaka manush ta-r. ei to, class shuru howar aager adh ghonta i ja paona. sara din to aar tiki ta milbena. etai tar sombol, etai tar pNuji. emnitei aar ko mash por college shesh, tar por ke kothay, ke jane...shesh mesh ki tai hobe? canteen e bosha baaki sob golpo gulor motoi???

S ta asche na. dhut bhalo lage na. adh ghonta-r theke pNaach minute uDe gyalo. hath er golper boi ta ke aar opoman na kore she ekebare rastaye chokh lagiyei boshe. gun gun kore hothath i geye othe. nah, eder upor ekdom bhorsha kora chole na. phone e bollo berochche, etokkhon lage jana chilo na baba...ki jyano gaaaner porer line ta? chokh ta firiye ney. cheye thaklei to aar eshe porbe na...

"shayad fir is janam mein, mulakaat ho na ho..lag jaa gale...se...."

Ei din er por teen bochor periye gyache. dyakha aar hoyni. suneche Chennai er kon college e MBA korche. bole to chilo, aar jai koruk, management korbe na. boshsho she to aro koto kothai bolechilo, tai na? USA jabe, ki sob course korbe, tar por chakri peye, take o niye...jak ge, bad dao osob kotha. she sob theke miss kore canteen ta, jekhane tader moto aro jona doshek table e tader motoi coffee-r cup ke chumuk dite dite, thik tader motoi, sobai bhabto, tarao alada. canteen er thik pechone ekta pachil chilo. uthte parle, bohuduur dyakha jeto. fNaka math, ekta chotto gram, boye jaoa shanto nodii. tar mone hoto byasto doinondin jibone-r majhkhane, tar bhalobasha ta eirokom i...sposhto, kintu shitol. subidhebadi, mitthyechari jogoter theke bichchinno, ekta chotto nirob, ghumiye thaka gram. sobai pachil er upor theke dyakhe, kintu pouchote pare na.

shopnorajyo kodin aar thake? bairer jogot sudhu pouchoy-i ni, ekebare dhoNgsho kore diyeche. she eka eka dNariye dekheche tar sob sMriti -r jolte thaka hahakar, sob biswash er puRte thaka kolorob...ki awaj, ki dhakka !!! Dhakka?

"Ei, kire..oth...eshe gechi to"

"Eto deri korli kyano?"

"Are, omelete khacchilam. jani late hobe, tui kyalabi, but omelete ki aar roj dey, bol?"

Jodi bojhar hoto, she sedin i bujhe jeto.

its not Mother's Day

So its been what, about ten days since Mother's Day? What fun we had no? With all lovey dovey status messages for the mothers, who are not even on facebook, and for the ones who are, must have been shell shocked at seeing "I love you mom" rather than "its raining today, must have rub it in your face pakodas" or say "I hate my life, will someone cry with me and kiss my ass" or even better "I broke up with my girl friend and she cried, oh i am so cool" wala statuses. Don't laugh, even you had put that picture with your mother in it...ok ok, so had I.

But then again, they are mothers, they will probably go gaga with delight if we as much look at them and smile. No, they do not know the smile is actually because you are recalling the phone conversation that happened last night, or wait, maybe they do. Maybe they are just happy that in todays suicidal zamana, their kids are smiling. What blessings from above !

The worst however, is that we know. We know how less it takes for us to make the woman who loves us the most, truly, sincerely happy. You can have pimples on your face, you can wear mismatched socks, you can smell like a pig, you can shave off your hair.... rest assured there is one, one face that will always search for you in a crowd, always think of you in her busiest moments, always worry about you even when you are fifty. Heck, I think even Bill Gates's mom asks him what he had for dinner every night. If he picks up the phone, that is.

I dont have a bloody choice. My mother calls me, hmm... at least thrice a day. And of course, because I know when the next call is going to be, I am rude, insensitive, always busy, irritable... knowing that "arre maa hi to hai, where will she go? she will call only no..". My friends often ask me how is it that I talk to my mother the way I do? Well, I dont know. I take her very much for granted, and I think she has made her peace with that. And I guess, she takes a quiet pride in knowing that all my day's frustrations are seen and heard only by her. You know, special treatment.

My mother is my best friend (oh well!), my living closet of secrets, my conscience, my one and only shade under the sun, my only caller whose phone I can bang down with confidence and not worry about it, because it rings right back :), the only one whose lies I believe in, the only source of hope when the world gets too real, the only person I am scared of, because, one, she can see right through skype's bad bad video connection, and two, because she thinks i am a good girl, and who would want to break that trust, no?

But I hate you Maa. Because you make me want to be like you. And that is not easily happening.

Split Into One

Science or Literature- Literature.
Biryani or Fuchka- Fuchka. Thrice a day.
Asha or Lata- Lata
Holmes or Feluda- Byomkesh :)
Dylan or Chandril- Chandril. yes, I am culturally backward like that.

So you see, my life is pretty much demarcated with very strong likes and dislikes, with a few overlaps. But they are rare, quite rare. The only goddamn time I face an identity crisis is when people, who dont know anything about me, or well, maybe trying to know a bit of me, asks...

"Bombay or Calcutta"- I DONT KNOW !!!!!

Aami ekkebare pasher baRi-r meye ta. tomar rannaghore koDai te mach bhaja-r dhNoya ta obogga kore ektu uNki mere dyakho, dekhbe ami shoto shoto awaj ke buRo angul dekhiye, anondomyala poRchi. Chotka-r "Boudiii, amar pajama ta ki abar kachte diyechen?" theke Dadu-r radio "ajker bishesh bishesh khobor holo" theke Baba-r "Ki go, chaa holo?" theke pasher baRir Tinni-r mayer, kajer meyer shonge nittonoimitto jhogRa theke Dr. Ghosh er clinic er pashe telebhajar chYaNk! theke tank er theke kolkol kore jol bheshe jaoa theke, adho ondhokare jhNi jhNi pokar daak theke, bNaash bone sheyal er huNkar (huNkar thik noy, but oi ondhokare jokhon keu kothao nei aar loadshedding hoyeche, tokhon bhoy na pele kaan kete fele debo) theke, moshari shoto bhalo kore gNoja shotteo moshar binbin binbin hashi thele, duuur theke bheshe asha chitrahar er dui sumodhur koli theke, raat dupure "Chor , Chor ke kothay achish siggiri lathi niye aaye" theke, saat sokale kagoj bili kora kaku-r cycle er ting ting theke school bus e hero der naam ke kota mukhosto bolte pare theke, off period e kanakani, fishfish theke, dupure Maa ghumole churi kore achar khaoa theke, paati ice cream ala-r thik kyamon mone nei, kintu oti prio ekta bajna theke, L238 bus e conductor er "Manicktola, B-Garden" chitkar theke, Belur Moth er shanto nistobdota theke, Tumpa aar Riju-r khunsuti bhora goromer chuti theke, Asche Bochor Abar Hobe-r kanna paoa bidaay theke, Howrah station e kuli, aar Howrah bridge er tolay bheshe jaoa bashi ful er hahakar theke, Suman er "Gaanwala" theke robibaar er niyomkore kosha maNgsho theke "Ei janish, Baba-r Bombay transfer hoye gyache" porjonto....thik kore dyakho, ami ekhono janlar pashe boshe anondomyala pore jachci. poRei jachchi.

But tell me? do you know what fun it is to ride an open horse, drip your entire shirt with brown gola juice, eat bhelpuri untill your eyes water with tanginess, and just sit still on the beach and watch the sun go down. And know, that the day has just started. Do you know the entire point of going to tution was to have the vada pav, kaanda daal ke from Jumbo King, (and to ogle at ahem ahem of course)? No you dont. It comes with practice. You get up at 6, yes bleeeedy 6, in the morning, but no regrets haan, cos you know, ahem ahem awaits you the class, and if you are lucky, maybe in Santacruz station only. But all is secondary to the radio wala auto. thats the way a din should start. A bumpy ride to the station, with bollywood for company. With this anticipation you sway from the train, bilkul dhinchak style, hair flying, bag hanging, never minding that by the time you get down you are looking like a bhoot. No wonder such bad lucks with all ahems. Then you rush to the lovely school, the mandatory college, more gossip, more fun, more dhoom dhamaka. All you have to do in stand and stare. The busy ness will get to you and infect you so bad youwill never have a silent bone in your body hence. The traffic, the lights in the shops, the ever chirping buddha buddhis in the nana nani park, the falling, geting up, again falling children, hell, even the doctors clinic seems like a mela. "accha yaha ka thepla jyada accha hai? nahi nahi, you should go to Big Bazaar, sale chalu aahet !",the random filmstar sightings, the hawwwww when you realise the bhaiyya-didi next door are living in and are not married, the Morya Re sung with such passion you feel you were a marathi all your life, the mouth hanging, eyes popping diwali crackers, the kaju katlis, the floods, the size zero obsession, the ye pakka Dubai se laya hai maals, the stern eyes of the naval guards, the rich and the famous going jogging, the waves lapping at their feet, and taking it all away with just one freaking bomb. Life is indeed like the ride at chowpatty.

"ek heech jagah par gol gol ghumta hai, par har baar sala kuch naye rang dikhata hai"

Tell me, konta ke choose korbo? Choose kora ki jaye. Duto durokom bhabe amake toiri koreche. Dutoi aami. e pith aar o pith. actually, du pith ei dutoi ache, mile mishe ekakar. aar to alada kore kichui bachar nei. kono option i nei. thakte pare na.

Oh, and yes, I absolutely will forever refuse to call them Mumbai or Kolkata. the authorities can hang themselves from Dwitio Hoogly Setu or Bandra-Worli Sealink, like I care !!!

Amar kichu kotha chilo....

sob kotha sobaike bola jayna. kichu kichu lokkei bola jay. na bola porjonto mone hoy rastar jake take dhore sei kotha gulo sonai. kintu tader konomotei bola jayna.

kichu kichu kotha bolte hoyna. seta na bolleo, jar bojhar she ek muhurtei bujhe jay, jar na bojhar she konodin i bojhe na. sutorang, ei to bojhanor cheshta korchi, kichudinei bujhe jabe, seta asha kora britha.

kichu kichu kotha thake, jegulo nijeke bola sob theke kothin. sei kotha jokhon onno keu chokhe angul diye bojhate chay, mone hoy di sala dui chor mere. sahosh to kom na, amake gyaan dite eseche.

kichu kotha bolar onek cheshta korechi. na, cheshta korar kotha bhebechi. kintu oi, sabdhane theko tuku i bolte perechi. er aage bolte badhe. kyano? shunle je kharap lagbe na she bishwash amar ache. tobu kyano?

kichu kichu kotha moner anache kanache, na lekha chithite ghore fera kore. tomake dekhlei, tara mukhe hashi, aar chokhe jhilik hoyei thake. je kotha dyakha jaye, she kotha na bollei ba khoti ki?

kichu kichu kotha sudhu tomakei bola chole. but jotodin bolte na para jay, ei sob kothai bole jabo, jar konoi mane nei.

jobe bolte parbo, jodi bolte pari, hoyto dekhbo bolar kichui nei. tumi to janoi, tai na?

Invisible

Dhut..ajkal kichui bhalo lage na. jodio ei kothata ami protidin niyom kore ek baar boli, aar tar sathe porer line e boli "baRi jabo".... sutorang ami dhorei niyechi keu i amay seriously ney na. mane ei je amar bhalo lagche na, tate kar ki? khNoj niye dekhechi, sobar i bhalo na lagar bohuut karon ache. karur research er tikto obhiggota, to karur boyfriend er shonge aNri, to keu club politics niye matha gorom kore ghurche...sobai byasto, sobai dukhi. aajkal sobai "hello" bole emon bhabe, dekhle pitti ulte ashe. aar sob theke kharap khobor, jokhon tara amay tader mon kharap korar justification dite ashe, amar mathay cholte thake, "uff abar shuru holo nake kanda, mor ge ja, amar ki?" khub i dukkher sathe sottyi kotha ta bollaam. kintu sottyi bollam.

tai thik korechi karur shonge kotha bolbo na. sutorang ami ekhon"invisible".

aajke campus e keu asheni. keu mane, oi 2-3 jon bondhu-bandhob-bandhobi jara ache. to khete khete besh ekta chinta korar somoy paoa gyalo. onek bhablam, janlar bairer brishti, neeche gaRir chole jaoa, ebong undergrad der dhupdhap haNta oboggya kore. kyano, ajker ultra connectivity r juge, kotha bolar, kotha bojhar karur kono lok nei?

onek, na onek na, ei minute 10 ek por, bujhlam gondogol ta kothay. kichudin aage A, S'r somporke bollo "S khub bhalo, ami ja boli sob kotha shone". besh. N bollo, "C er moto bondhu hoy na, amar sob photo like kore". bojha gyalo. M bollo, "B ta lokkhi meye, or moto amay keu bojhe na". sobai bhalo, sobai anupom, jotokkhon tara amar photo, amar kotha, amar chinta, amar poRte thaka chul ebong baRte thaka ojon ke ekbakkye somorthon korche. jotokkhon she amar hyan te hyan melabe, she amar prio bondhu, amar chhayasongi, amar jokher dhon. je din se amar birudhdhe daRiye, tar nijer mot prokashe ichchuk hoye othar dushahosh korbe, se din se amar keu noy. take dekhe mukh ghorate amar 1 din er beshi lagbe na, samnasamni poRle just ekta boka boka hashi, aar kromagoto prarthona kore jaoa je she amar choritrer je kalo onGsho tuku jene gyache, ta jyano tar kachei siimaboddho thake.

eta onek kaal holoi bujhe gechi. tai kalo bhaag ta amar moner modhhei roye jaye. sobaike sref ghosha maja, oti ujjol, oporaNsho tuku dyakhai. din ke din kalo amar moddhe joma hochhe. bhablam, lukiyei jokhon rakhbo, bhalobhabei lukoi. aajkal raag korina, jhogRa korina, kotha katakati korina. kono jhamelate i ami nei. jhamela-walader bondhu thake na. bondhu na thaka ta bipojjonok.

tomar bondhu ache? thik jano? tobe tumi invisible kyano?